February 21, 2006

good old friend and insomnia

Filed under: Standard — at 2:56 am

Just as I was feeling like the loneliest, most unloved, completely forgotten person on the face of the planet, he called. Surprise! Josh! I was so happy to talk to him, it’s amazing how little things like this can make such a huge difference.

I can’t fall asleep. Tossed and turned. Got up. Listened to one song. Made myself warm milk. Then tea. Really wanted to smoke, but did not. Read a bit. Went back to bed. Had to get up because of the warm milk and tea. Now I am wide awake + in one of my great pessimistic moods. I have no objective reason to feel lonely or unhappy, really, because nothing is tragically wrong. I should think about all the good things and adventures that life has in store for me. Yet, somehow, I manage to always channel the most negative thoughts of self-pity to the forefront of my mind.

I have been thinking about risk a lot lately. And it’s funny how serendipity works its way into my daily routines to remind me of this. During a talk today, risk aversion came up. In the office, Steve lectured me on cost-benefit analysis. Later, I was half-listening to this TV show and they were talking about the risks involved in pursuing personal happiness. I don’t think I have ever really taken serious risks in my life, mostly because I never had to. But maybe I should. When I wake up. If I fall asleep at all.

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